Hey, Dish
by Leviticus Lied
Summary: HoroRen. Horo is definitely not gay...until he walks straight into Ren in the bath.


I was just on my way into the hot springs bath. I had my towel wrapped around my waist, my own personal soap that kept my skin smooth, and my clothes for when I got out. Perfect.

I pushed the door open to go into the actual room. As I was going in, though, a shorter, purple-haired Chinese boy came out, and we naturally bumped heads. My soap slipped to the floor, and I accidentally stepped on it. I slid forward.

My lips brushed the other guy's lightly. This was all completely, and, might I add, disgustingly on accident. Of course, he wouldn't believe me. He kept going on and on about a little "kiss."

"You little sex fiend! Get the hell away from me! What are you doing here, idiot?" Ren screamed at me. I brushed my blue hair out of my eyes. The short boy started to walk past me, but he slipped on the same bar of soap as I had.

He knocked into me, then I stepped back and my foot hit a wet spot. This sent the both of us careening into the bath. My towel flew off from around my waist, since I had been expecting to take it off immediately upon entering the room and left it loose anyway. Ren, though, had no excuse whatever for his only protection from nakedness deserting him.

Sputtering, he surfaced. He started going on a rant about psychotic northerners ruining his relaxation time, but I wasn't really listening. I was naked, underwater, next to a naked, underwater, Ren. Except the water wasn't doing much to obscure my vision.

I was _so_ dead once he realized this. The guy nearly started climbing out of the water before he found out that he felt cold in places he shouldn't. He ducked back down to his nose, and gave me a death glare.

"All this is your fault! If you, an innocent bystander at too many of sites of my public humiliation, had not walked in when you did, I would still be perfectly calm and serene, probably getting ready for bed by now! In no way, shape, or form do I wish to continue this constant association and sickening forced viewing of your hideous visage!" –Or, at least, I think he said that. Also, he said some other stuff, but by then he had switched to ranting in Chinese, so I couldn't understand him.

"Uh, hey, Ren…" I tried to break in on his thoughts, "You're, um, standing up too much…" The guy was visible well below the waist. So much for good dreams that night.

"Oh, I don't know who you're kidding. The water's too clear for ducking to do much good anyway. By the way, you little pervert, I can see what your libido is doing at the moment…" He was leering at me.

I then noticed an embarrassing detail. I frantically tried to cover my visiting "little friend" from prying eyes. I felt a blush racing across my cheeks, and said, "Sh-shut up! Hot water just does this to me, okay?"

Hey, it wasn't my fault that being yelled at by sexy little Chinese boys turned me on. Oh, no, I was not in any way gay, at all. I just kind of sort of had fascinating dreams and fantasies whenever I got near that little dish, alright? I mean, the man practically looks like a girl, you know?

"Oh my, dear little Horohoro is embarrassed. While you're steaming there, go get our towels," He was treating me like a servant, _again_, that bastard.

I shrugged, and hopped out. Then, I decided to put him in a corner, too, and walked as sexily as I could. I bent over like my sole purpose was to give some old peeping tom an orgasm. When I went back over to the water, to give Ren his precious towel, I saw him turned away and blushing.

"Ha, I got you bad, you little creep!" I yelled with triumph when I saw that he'd had a recent little visit, too. Not that I thought anything would come of it or anything.

He refused to move, though, or look at me. I reached over and dragged him out of the water, then bodily wrapped the towel around his waist. I was so worried, I didn't even let my hands roam a little. We were friends, at least in my book, and friends look out for each other, you know?

I eventually noticed he was trembling, and figured some internal battle was going on for control of his feelings or whatever. I thought that while I could be of no help in that fight, I could at least bring him out of his comatose state. This was my reasoning for kissing him, for the second time, only now on purpose. Just to get him to wake up, okay?

Now, excuse me, but I might have still had a hard-on at the time. I kind of started getting into it, and one thing led to another, and then I realized I was giving him tongue. Oops. After that, I felt him responding, which totally weirded me out.

I figured, what the hell, and went with it until I absolutely had to breathe. When I broke off, he was giving me this funny look, like he was asking me, "_What the hell just happened?"_

I shrugged, and started walking off. Hey, if he didn't want to talk about it, that was fine by me. I was right in front of a pile of towels, luckily, when he tackled me. I mean, he bore me straight to the ground. I was walking along, right, and then he was just on top of me.

"Don't you dare tell anyone about this, ever, you hear me?" he hissed at me. That guy was ready to kill. I don't know why, but I felt like being a smartass.

"What, how you suddenly freaked out and I had to kiss you to even get you back to Earth?" I sneered. Maybe not the best career option, I admit it. He slammed a palm down on the tile next to my head.

"Yes, that! _Especially_ not my sister, alright? I absolutely _cannot_ deal with her teasing right now! Damn it, this has all made me so damn tired!" His head drooped forward a little, but I knew better than to help him. He could've decided that a dead guy was less likely to gossip about him than I was at any moment.

"Okay, okay, I promise, dish. Now get off me!" I froze. Had I just called him _dish_? I mean, yes, I called him that when I thought about him, a _lot_, but never to his face. Oh, god, I was so dead.

He narrowed his eyes at me, saying, "What the hell did you just call me?"

I broke out into hysterical laughter, "Ahaha, you see, I kind of," then I couldn't think of a good lie. So, I went with the truth for once, "I kind of got my thoughts confused with what I was actually saying. Since you're here right in front of me, yes, hello there, I was kind of thinking along the lines of, 'he's a nice little dish, isn't he?' or something, pleasedon'tkillme."

He sat back on my legs. I sat up a little, so we were face to face. He glared at me a while more, and then said, "What, like you think I'm sexy or something? Little Horo, I never took you for gay."

"NO! I am not gay! I just happen to think you're hot, okay?" Then, I got to thinking; what if I _was_ gay, after all? It would take forever to explain it to Pilika, and Yoh, and everyone. Waaay too much hassle for my taste.

"You're a guy, I'm a guy, and you lust after me. This leads me to believe that you are, in fact, gay. What, exactly, am I mispronouncing?" He was giving me another weird look. A synapse clicked somewhere in what I lazily call my brain.

"Well, what about you, huh? You got a stiffy from watching me, right? So, therefore, you're gay…or…" My thought processes ground to a screeching halt. Ren was gay? No, he couldn't be. Right? "You're not, are you?"

"Try me," he said, and then kissed me. This was a little different from the last two times, because, hey, they were mainly just flukes. This time it was definite making out.

"You have no idea how long I thought you were damned straight," He said to me later.

"Hey, believe me, dish, so did I!" I laughed.


End file.
